Is it only Wednesday?

Having an off day around our house is like having 2 shoes on for anyone else. Just common. I am not quite sure where the day got sour this morning, but what seemed like a normal day in the Tackett household never holds true like I'd hoped. After Axton's weekly therapy session and all the wonderful postitive things she had to say about him, I was feeling great! Not that I think he has "changed" overnight, but I am way more hopeful these days then I was last month. He in her words remember is, "brillant". Not that I am bragging or anything..lol I adore my son and want nothing more for him than the best in life. I think that is any parents dream for their child. His teachers may not be the best match possible for him. They don't understand him and don't want to really. It saddens me as a mother for someone not to love him the way I think they should. Not that I think they should want to take him home with them, but that kind of compassion that I feel teachers of any age, should love their children. I teach 2 year olds. Not that I don't have a few in my class that drive me batty, but I am placed in their lives to touch them in some way. I don't think Axton's teachers got the same calling or maybe the line from God to tell them that, was busy the day the phone call went out. Whatever it may be, I am just in a hard place with it all. As a parent you live your life to protect, as a human you understand people have faults and they won't always be the way you want them to be.

On a happier note.. My baby wore a costume!!! Yay for him! He wasn't scared and had a wonderful night. He was well behaved and brought home 3 buckets of candy. He was so excited to see his Daddy after a long day. I was ready to see a pillow, but well Ax took that up right away!

God, thank you for sending me Axton. Father, I heard myself question why you sent he and I together today, because we don't always mesh well. You blessed me with this gift and I thank you for him and all that he comes with. Help me to stop feeling frustrated with the outcome of school and to seek you first. I am only human and forget that you have a plan for me. Protect my baby when I can not and love him with the love of a father, when others may reject him. Give me wisdom father.

Until then...
Sharon

I'm back!

I'm back! Finally! I had some computer problems this week. I felt so alone with out my Handy Dandy Notebook.. For those of you who don't know, that's a reference to Blue's Clues. You know you wouldn't think you could learn a lesson when your computer is down, but I did. I learned that I have lot of people around me who are truly wonderful people. Not because, they would fix my broke machine, but because they are just caring individuals. My car also broke this past weekend. I just felt like every time I moved, something else broke. So as always, I call my Dad and say, my car is broke and my computer is broke! Those great people I was talking about, came through again. It's amazing the people you come in contact with in life. The computer guy, who gives me a hard time, yet somewhere deep down inside of him, I know he thinks I rock..lol I mean if he didn't have things of mine to fix, what would he do with his spare time?? Then there is the car guys. Those two give me a hard time about being a pain, but they are wonderful guys who always fix my car even when it's something simple I should have done first! Then you have my Dad. There are no words to describe him. I am sure I am the cause of those few grey hairs he has. He is an amazing source of strength. There is not a time in life, that I couldn't call him and he'd be there. The computer guy and the car guys go to bed, but Dad's never sleep. I am so extremely grateful for the wonderful people God has placed around me. I don't deserve anything anyone has ever done, but God has blessed me abundantly!

So thank you Mr. Computer Guru! My machine runs faster and so much better without yucky viruses! I promise no more Limewire! Well, don't count me out. I could still need you again. Thank you Mr. Car Guys. Your job is a messy one and I am so glad you do what you do. I'd be lost without you. My car actually starts now when I turn the key! Thank you Dad. I couldn't be who I am today without you. Your wisdom is amazing and your love is priceless. I pray one day I can be half the parent to our boys as you are to me.

Thank you God for the people you have sent to my family. Not because they fix things I break or clean up my messes, but because they are wonderful people. You have blessed me Lord in ways I can not even begin to find words for. Thank you father. Help me to be a blessing to others.

Until then....
Sharon

Faith

This was a whirl wind weekend as always. We had Ike for3 days, but it goes by way to fast. Have you ever tried going over a 2nd grade spelling list with and almost 8 year old?? You should it test patience and humor. On our way home from the 2 1/2 hour drive, Axton found out that rolling the window down was a fun game to play. What struck me was his attempt to "catch" the wind. He tried his hardest and thought it was the greatest game he had ever played. He would say "I got cha" and put his arms together as though he had "caught" it. As simple as that sounds, it caught my attention. That's a piece of God and even though I can't see him, he's there in that gust of wind. Such a simple thought, yet so profound to me. My 2 year old never once thought he was teaching mommy something, but as always he did.

Axton has faith of a child. He has no idea that we may not have all the money in the world to buy all his "wants" or wishes, but he still has faith that I will. Ike has big dreams for Christmas and has faith that I won't let him down.. well um Santa won't since you know I work for him now as well..LOL To be that small again and to just have that never fearing faith. They have no idea about stress or worry yet and as a mother I pray they never will. I want to trust God that innocently. Just like we did as a child. Since getting older, I have become so overcome with stress and worry, that I forget to just have faith. God promised me that he would never give me more than I alone could bare, and yet I doubt? Why? I want that never doubting, always accepting, kind of faith! You know the one where you believe that if you have faith, that you can catch the wind.

God, grant me the ability to accept the things I can not change. I pray for faith as a child tonight. God, you have never let me down and we have never gone without. You are a faithful and on time God. You see what we will face before we have. Help me to face my day with the kind of faith my children have taught me. You know the one God, the one where I can catch the wind. That kind of faith! Thank you for the blessings in my life. Amen..

Until then...
Sharon

Time

Today I noticed that the clock seems to be going faster everyday. I know it never stops, but don't you wish it would wait for you to catch up with it? There are not enough hours in my day. The laundry seems to be growing in abundance, the kitchen counters even seem to call out to me that they need to be cleaned, the whole house needs to be vacuumed and somewhere in there, I must sleep. I'm not sure where my day goes. I get up on time, I get ready in plenty of time, but yet I always manage to forget something of importance. Today it was my sunglasses. Minimal by far in comparison to what it could have been, but the sun was beaming today. I think becoming a parent you loose small pieces of who you were. Not that you just loose all your self worth, but since taking care of another life, the things you were so good at once before, seem to start lagging. I have always been in my husband's own words, an "elephant".. Wasn't sure how to take that either were you? He assures me that it means I never forget anything. I used to not, but now I slip from time to time. To the amazement of my kids, I can't do all superwoman's work for her. She's got to make a buck on her own sometimes! I remember the important things, but maybe that's it. The things I forget, weren't all that important anyway were they? Maybe I spend so much time taking in useless knowledge that I am overwhelmed.

There won't ever be 25 hours in a day and more sunlight because I just remembered it's 9 o'clock and I need to mow the grass, but... In those 24 hours a day God has granted us, I will do the task that I can. The other's must not have ranked on the importance list and will wait until tomorrow. As long as I have looked at my 2 1/2 year old and laughed at his funny thought or picked him up when he says "Hold you me mommy". As long as I have told my husband that I love him and as long as in my day if I haven't spoken to Ike, my mind goes to him at least 12 times a day, I have done the important task.

God grant me the ability to find you in the craziness I call my life. Lord, when I feel overwhelmed with the "list" I have made for myself, help me to do the things you want me to do. Help me to always put you first and never be too busy for the 3 men in my life who count on me. God, I want to be the best at everything I do, but not because I am selfish, but because I want to live my life as an example of you. Be the constent in my world. Thank you for being my provider and the reason I live. Amen...

Until then...

Sharon

Friends

Tonight was a night with Girls only. I love my husband and my children, but it was so nice to not need a highchair and to choke down my food, because my child is throwing sweet and low at the waitress. I rarely have my alone moments, because a pair of eyes are normally staring at my every move. I love those little eyes, but being away makes me love home even more.

It's nice to know you have great friends who won't laugh at your mistakes and think the worst of you for the stupid things you have done. It's nice to know they will cry with you and laugh with you. Those friends are one you cherish, because they can't be bought or traded. They are hard to come by, but once you have them you want to treasure them always. Those girls know things about me that even I try and forget. The moments as teenagers when all you seem to do is make stupid choices, but looking back now you laugh so hard that you cry. I could have swore my Dad was out to make my life a living nightmare, but now as an adult, I actually see he was trying to help and protect me. Thought I wouldn't say that, didn't you?? I forget about being those times of being invincible. I forget about those first love.. well I think they all seemed that way then. lol I forget about the first time I met Tim and fell in love right then and there. Never looking back, but always looking ahead. Why is it that we forget the parts of our lives that make us who we are. You know, the beginning of the story written about our lives. I don't want to ever forget the stupid choices, or the wonderful friends, that I almost forget I have. Life gets so busy and we take so much for granted.Why do we forget that friends exsist until the hard times? I know that my life gets hectic and when I have awful moments that I just don't think I can bare, I want to run and call someone. I want to also know that I can call them in the happy times as well.

God, help me to be a better friend. You gave me these wonderful women for a reason. Most of them you sent to me when I was just beginning my journey into what would now become my life story. The book on me or them isn't finished yet, so Lord help us to be a part of those good and bad times. Thank you God for the love of others. Without having someone to call on, this world would be a lonely place. Lord, help me to love one another as you have loved us so unselfishly. Help me to be quiet when it's that time in a friendship where no words have to be spoken. God, send me the words in the times, someone needs to hear you. Amen..

Until then...
Sharon

Potty training

I am writing today with a mother's pride. As funny as this sounds, I am so excited to say my baby has poo pooed in the potty. I am sure he'll hate me for this later, but hey the joys in my life are of the small things. Isn't it funny how when you become a parent, your greatest accomplishments change. It goes from what type car you drive, how much money you make, to the excitement over going to the potty, starting school, etc. I just decided one day that this potty training thing couldn't be as hard as he made it. The potty is not the enemy I have said 10 times! There are no monsters in there and if there were, they don't want anything you have.. So, over the past 3 weeks we have had great days with this attempt and not so great days, but it's been a great time for us. Bonding over the potty has become a nightly thing. "Please go the potty" "As soon as you do it, we are going to Chuck E Cheese". The bribes go on and on. I could tell you about the night that chocolate cake was the bribe, but.. I'll let that be between us and the Kroger bakery.LOL We laugh in the bathroom, we run to the bathroom. It's the nightly exercise program here. As many times as I am in there with him, you'd think I'd mop the floor that I say looks disgusting every time I am in there.

In all of this potty mayhem, I have learned something so little that I should have already known. It's not in the biggest things that we should rejoice. Rejoice in life's smallest things. We forget that in those small moments, the big ones are born. I am sure God rejoiced with us when we were 2 and potty training. I am sure he rejoiced just as much when we graduated. That parent pride knows no prejudice in which things are great accomplishments. Axton pooping in the potty is GREAT! It also makes me realize in that, he is growing up to become an even bigger boy than he is now. I am not ready to let me little baby grow up, but I know that each lesson I teach him now and even he teaches me, is preparing him to become a man one day. I am confident most days, that I have some sort of clue what I am doing.

God, grant me the ability to rejoice in you. In the small things in our lives, you are there. Help me to not forget the things that made me who I am today. We fall down in some areas in our lives daily, but you always pick us back up again. Thank you for not giving up on us when we make mistakes. Even as potty training children, you rejoiced with us. Thank you Lord for carrying us in the times when we can not carry ourselves. Amen..

Until then...
Sharon

Rain

I keep singing rain rain go away.. I like the rain, but you see when your husband drives a dump truck for a living, the rain is not your friend. He hasn't worked this week, because it rains so much and it hasn't dried up enough for the trucks to run again. It is nice having him home to do some well needed cleaning and such, but I can tell he's getting antsy. Axton loves having him around. He is all about his Daddy. I have been pushed to the side and replaced with Mr. Mom.haha
I can feel the craziness at school from all the kids being sick of staying in doors. They have lots of entergy that needs to escape. Of course don't we all! I'd love to run around like a wild animal at some moments through the day, if they'd let me. Today we went and played in a room that has nothing in it and turned the music on full blast. The kids danced like no one was watching. It was great! I wish in life I could do that. Just be who I want to be without having to feel like someone is watching me. It's like a fear of being mocked, made fun of, or looked at like I have lost my mind. It's in what we say or what we even think. It's adult peer pressure. I thought it would go away after high school, but I found it got worse over the years. When you have children, it's in how to dress them, how you want them to act, etc. When you chose your mate, what would others think, how will your in-laws feel about you? That high school feeling never goes away of wanting to be in the in crowd. It just changes in topics. For me it's even talking about God and my beliefs openly. Not that I am ashamed, but not everyone feels as I do. I just always want to be careful, but I am learning, why should I? Not that I am going out tomorrow to buy my children the bear shirts I detest, because it doesn't matter what others think or go up to someone I know doesn't believe in God and go on a rant, but... It does mean that if I like something that someone in my crowd doesn't, it's ok to still like it. I love to fit in, but sometimes at the risk of my own happiness.

God, help me to learn that you made me different. You made me unique. Help me to live my life like no one is watching. If I want to dance in the rain, it's ok. I just want to live my life for you. You don't care if I wear yellow socks or never wear makeup. Help me to be ok in my own skin. You chose me and I thank you for each blimish and each scar I have. God, grant me the ability to be happy even in the rain.

God has a sense of humor

Do you ever think God has a sense of humor?? I really saw it today when at work we drew secret pals. I drew my name and looked at it and then did a double take.. It would be the one person in the world that I would have never wanted. It's the teacher that right now is causing me some unwanted stress and heartache. So I took my name and then my heart sank. I heard the voice, you know you've heard it, GIVE IT BACK AND RUN! They were kidding you, now the jokes over. Make them give you the real person you will be buying things for the next 2 months! But, in the same second it took me to draw it, I felt this funny peace come over me. It was like God had made his joke and now he wanted me to listen. This was for a reason. So, now I just stare at the name. I don't know what God's lesson for me is going to be, but my ears and heart are open. The human side of me says, "Now God are you sure? Like really sure"? I mean I laughed God, now you can give me the real person I have for the next 2 months. But to no avail God wasn't joking. This is a lesson in life that I am going to take it to the fullest.

How often do we think God is joking or not listening? We think he's busy or just plain ignoring us. Then when he drops something in out lap or it hits us like a ton of bricks, we have no idea it's the real thing. This person needs me in a way God sees that I don't yet. I pray that over the next 2 months, things are brought to into my life, that I would have never known before.

God I pray that you would give me a heart that seeks you. Help me to choose to be the bigger person even when I feel like being angry or wanting to run the other way. Help me Lord, to turn the other cheek just as you did. That when I feel like I can't take or handle anymore, that I remember that someone in this world or right next to me, has it far worse. God, I need you, but as much as I need you, someone else is calling out to you in despair. In all things, whatever they may be, help me to live my life for you. Amen.

Until then...
Sharon

Today was one for the record books. I have a lot going on at school and today it just seemed to boil over. I enjoy my job more than words can say. I have a passion and a heart for children and being a protector for them. I laugh and say I had a "real" job once, but gave it up when Axton was 14 months old and the sadness I felt when we left him at daycare finally got to me and I had to change my path. Being with him everyday for the past almost 2 years has been a joy that I never knew I'd ever know. It has cost us financially, but knowing my son is within arms reach is more important to us. I am an outgoing person by nature, but lack in the way I should be able to have confrontation when needed. I think my sister got that double for the both of us.LOL In school, the teachers don't understand the little man, I have grown to just call active and curious. There is a right and wrong way to deal with any child, but Axton is a little different. Space is something that he takes very serious and being in his without "permission" or gaining his trust first, is a bad thing for him. I don't know that they will ever understand him,but I wish they'd try. As a mom, my claws come out when I feel my baby is in trouble. As an adult I realize that you also have different perceptions for different situations. I am trying to remain level headed about all we are dealing with right now. Now ask my next week and I may have a whole other story that I will be telling. I don't think you ever realize how much your words and actions effect even the smallest person. I now know, since being in this situation with Axton and school, that I have to really think before I react. I should have known that way before now, huh? I just want to touch each child that I am with. That they never feel afraid or scared because of me. I want them to feel safe and loved just like my own would.

Lord, help me to protect my child in all areas. Help me to have discernment for things that I should. Help me to use loving words and kind hands with each child and person I some in contact with. God in the smallest things, help me to choose the level head my father raised us to have. Help me Lord, to have the heart of my mother and will of my father. God, I need you this week. Give me peace that only you can give and the patience that surpass all things. Amen.

Until then...
Sharon

Be still

We spent the majority of the day today on the road. Never have I wanted out of the car faster, but on weekend like this,it makes time together as a family of 4 one of the greatest times. W don't get to be together, all of us, often. Ike lives so far away, Tim works a lot of hours, and well Axton and I just hang out most of the time. The time our kids will remember the most is the 6 hour car ride we did every other weekend. I pray that the memories we make in those hours will last them a lifetime. If it's just talking about nonsense, singing very badly to the Veggie Tales, or sometimes saying nothing at all. It's just about being in the moment. They are growing up so quickly. I even look at Tim and in the almost 5 years of being together, he and I are aging. Not that we look haggard, but time changes you. I just don't want to miss a moment of our lives. Sometimes I spend the day chatting away and no time at all just listening to the noise, or taking in the silence. I want to be able to enjoy it all, but I enjoy yapping about nonsense more sometimes. This week, I am going to just listen more. When Axton tells me about the train or whatever he needs to say. When Tim tells me about the dump truck or someone who pulled out in front of him, again! Please people when you see a red Hearon trucking dump truck, don't pull out in front of him doing 20 mph. LOL I just want to hear those things without interrupting to hear my own voice.

Maybe we should all be quiet more and enjoy the silence or the "noise" we are to busy to hear any other day. I can tell you it will be a challenge for me, but a lesson not to late to learn. God said "Be still and know that I am God". I guess he really meant the Be still part. You can't always feel his presence in the hustle and bustle of life. You sometimes have to stop and be still to feel him.

Until then...
Sharon

Live

Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes

And have what you want, but want what you have
And don't spend your life looking back

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances and let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ballgames and go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children, dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night

Don't run from the truth 'cause you can't get away, no
Face it and you'll be okay


Oh, wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy, and pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
And make peace with God, and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end, there's nobody else

Until tomorrow...
Sharon

My little Axton

I sit here tonight researching Asperger's Syndrome. Who would have ever thought, I 'd even know that even existed. Of course it does, and it effects 2 in 10,000 children. 4 times more boys than girls. I guess January 5th,2005, Axton was the 2 in 10,000. If I look at it the way I want to some days, I'd see it as Why God, Why? But, today I choose to look at is as, Thank you God for making my little boy so special that you picked him out of the children in the world to be able to make a difference in life through teaching me. He is in the Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which just mean he is High Functioning. He doesn't lack anything developmentally, but in his social skills. It makes you look at the small things, such as having a normal conversation with your best friend, and not want to take it for granted anymore. Axton doesn't always have the ability to speak to someone like he wishes he could. So instead he takes his time learning all of his shapes, even ones you and I never think of, learning all about trains, dump trucks, and baseball. Did you know he knows most all of his letters and numbers by sight recognition? He is not even 3 yet. He is brilliant and I stare at him in amazement each day. How is someone so small, so smart?

I think I write all of this nonsense to make me aware that just because I don't understand the things he must face, they are real fears and issues he has. He doesn't mean to throw the tantrums he does sometimes when the noise level is high or someone has moved his things. He would love to be able to be invited to the kids parties at school instead of being looked over because parents look at him as "different". I see the looks of disgust when he has a momentof screaming.. He is not a bad child! I take deep offense to the stares in the store or even with family and friends. He may not behave the way someone may feel as though he should, but it's not about bad parenting or a bad child, it's about something far more. If someone has a question, I'd love them to ask even if I can't answer the question. I am still new to this and don't have all the answers.

God my prayer this week is, Help me to understand. Help me to stop and think of how Axton would feel instead of how I feel, because he won't do as I wish he would. Help me to be kind and use loving words. Please Lord let me remember that each day is to be cherished. You gave me this gift Lord and I stand in Awe in amazement. Help him to know that I am always here no matter what happens or where life takes him. Help him to live his life to the fullest and to reach all of his dreams times 10. Amen.

Until then....
Sharon