I don't know that you could have asked me 5 years ago would I be a mom.. I think I would have laughed you off the planet. Now looking back, I think it was always there.. The want and desire. I have been with Isaac since he was 3 and watching him grow has been one big learning experience. I still, now having both boys, have no idea what I am doing. No book can prepare you for all of the emotions that your children bring to your life. Axton at 2 1/2 makes me look at life a little less seriously and see the humor in the small things. Ike has questions that make me think from a child's view point. Each day is filled with a little humor, tears, and lots of love. When Axton went to bed last night and asked me for the "Baseball Story", I knew that in the past few weeks as I have made up this story about a little boy named Axton who is the greatest baseball player in all the world.... He was listening. He hangs on my every word. Life is funny like that. Just when you think no one hears you.... They repeat something you've said. You pray it was all the positive things you said, not the one bad thing you said in that day.
Not all my days are easy. The stress of providing for my children finacially, making sure they get enough of what they are supposed to eat and not too much of the other's, praying that they take the life lessons I teach them, is a lot to bear. Somedays I wonder as I lie in bed, have I been to hard on them today? Was it really an issue that the room wasn't picked up or the bathroom cleaned after their bath? I pray, Dear Lord help me to stop to see them.. Not because they are my children, but because they are people too with feelings and needs that can slip by me in my hurried day.
It's funny to me, that just a few years ago life was so about me and someone was taking care of my needs... In a flash it all changed and now 2 little people count on the example that I lead and the choices I make throughout my days, to get what they will become in this life. I pray that God makes me an example to lead by for my boys. That they never wonder did she love me as much, was she as proud of me as him.. I want them to know I lived my life for them.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
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