Thursday, June 4, 2009

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I have written here. I wish I could say life was super busy and it kept me away, but honestly.... I have a lot of time on my I spent the day with my cousins who are 7 and 5. Almost the age of our boys. I don't get to see them often, so the time was priceless. Katrina reminds me so much of me at that age. Of course we didn't have cell phones. She played on mine all day. Logan, what a doll that child. So sweet and kind. Normally it's me who's doing the talking, but today I got the chance to just listen. It was a day I would have paid all the money in the world to be apart of. Katrina and her neon green finger nails and logan with his handcuffs and gun. The innocence those two have in their eyes. I see it in the eyes of our boys. I pray that they can hold on to that for as long as possible. To not worry about the bills, the crime rate, which school to send your child to, death... The things that we as adults don't enjoy, I pray our children stay children for as long as possible. Even in this day and time when children grow up faster than they should, I pray for my children that they can still be "cool" as the slow paced boys.

My heart is blessed today. I am proud to call myself mom, aunt, and a rockin' big cousin!

Until then....

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It's baseball time!!

I haven't forgot about this thing. I have just not had time.. Or I have had too much time. Not sure which. Axton had his first ball game yesterday. Oh how great! He thought you were supposed to slide every time you got to home. He hated to do the fielding part. He thinks it's pointless..haha! He's Tim's child. Tim coached their team. I was proud of them both. No blood shed and lots of laughs.

Axton is getting better. They have moved his class and he takes his meds like he's supposed to. I know that God has a great plan for him. I am actually having such a hard time with it lately. He was diagnosed a little over a year ago and never once did I get angry or worried. Now, I seem to be fighting those fears. I know that God never makes mistakes, but the human part of me questions is he sure that this Asperger's thing is right?? I just grave for him to be "normal", but that's overrated anyways, right??? I know that he is reaching new heights everyday and sometimes I watch his brain working and then I know... He is exactly who he is supposed to be. I just adore him. I can't imagen what life would be without him.

Wel it's supposed to be a crazy week with weather. I pray that God is with you this week!

God, grant me peace of mind. You have never made a mistake and I know you haven't made on this time. I am sorry that I have moments lately of being angry and sad for Axton. He doesn't seem to be, so why should I. Help me to embrace that dreaded word and just handle the things that he needs. I pray that you be with his doctors, teachers, and therapist. Give them guidnace on how to treat him. I don't eant to take their word, Lord I need yours. Thank you for loving me even with my doubting mind. I never have deserved your love, but you always give it! Thank you..

Until then...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

There you are God!

What a whirl wind week it has been. For me it ends on Thursday, so welcome weekend! As I rolled out of bed this morning to drive Tim down the road to his dump truck, I had one eye open and one eye closed. Out of my open eye, I wondered if the cars we past must have to drive their husband to his dump truck to, because who's up on purpose?? Out of my closed eye, I was hoping the light was just the bathroom and someone would soon turn it off. I wish the man would get a battery for his truck. It's not that hard or cost that much. I am all about bonding, but at 5:30 and 20 degrees, I have no time for bonding. Now in Tim's defense I only have to drive 2 tenths of a mile, but for real! I do have to admitt in those short drive home, I see God in the silence of my neighborhood. It's so peaceful then. Then I fall back asleep and pray my eyes open and 8..hehe Axton only got kicked out of class one day this week. He thought going to see Mrs. Julie was a fun thing. While going to see the principal is a lot of one on one, it still means you are in trouble. Think he hasn't grasped that point yet! He and Alex didn't fight today, so hey 1 out of 3 ain't bad right?? Well as a mom you have to keep a positive attitude..hehe We leave to get Ike tomorrow. I am hoping we miss whatever yucky weather is coming for the day.

This week has been anything but normal. I do try and keep my life some what private, I tell the funny things, yes, but some things are just left for me. In this case, I have to tell somethings. You know, I have always heard the saying from the bible, Your debt is paid. Never have I realized the meaning of that until this week. Sad right? I have seen God truly work in my life this week in ways, no words can ever explain. The kindness and loved shown me and my family got to the inner being of me. I do believe that God always shows up just when I am about to give up. Not because he's a mean God, but because he is showing me that he works on his time and not mine. Just in the moments of my lowest lows this week, there he was. He showed himself to me in ways that I don't deserve, The people who reached their hand to me this week, I pray God will bless their lives, as they have blessed mine. I don't think I even deserve their kindness, but God did. I guess I'll stick with this way of thinking! So I heard those words so loud from God this week, Your debt is paid! You owe nothing. Just like when he died for us, we did nothing to deserve the kindness and there is no way to repay the gift. It was his undying and unselfish love. I pray that I can one day show my love and gratitude. Until then, I stand in aw at God's work and speechless at his gift. Me speechless=)

You know I write these blogs to get out the thoughts that run through my mind. I can only talk so much you know! But, today this blog means something a little more. I don't know if a soul reads this, but in happen chance that someone who touched my life this week does... Thank you! Those words aren't because I feel as though I should say them, but because my soul cries thank you!

God, Thank you. You heard my cries from the depth of my soul. My heart cried to you and you answered me. You never cease to amaze me. Your love me for is more than I can ever fathom. Thank you for never leaving me. In my greatest moments you are there to rejoice with me and in my moments of despair you are there to comfort me. God bless those who blessed my family this week. You Father know them by name and by face, please touch their lives as they have touched mine.

Until then,

Sunday, January 20, 2008


So I am beginning to think that life for me is supposed to be entertaining. I laugh a lot at my own life because, well sometimes what else can you do?? I don't think that I have everything figured out just yet, but then again I don't think I am supposed to. This week has been, well interesting. I can't really tell you why, because I am not sure about it just yet, I think my faith has been tested a lot lately. I am learning to trust God more and more with each day, I don't know every morning what my day holds or what will come my way. I just pray that God will guide me and direct my path. I figure that if something comes my way, that it's my destiny to face that. Tim hauled human potty this week. Now I find s much humor in that, yet he thinks it's awful..LOL There goes that humor thing again. Laugh like it's the funniest thing ever. It makes my days goes by s o much easier. My dishwasher is having trouble. Well to be honest, I have become the dishwasher. I guess it's been a humbling experience. My and the dishes have become close. I do want to figure out what is wrong with mine, but I have stopped complaining and just decided to do what I have to so we have clean dishes. Now I did go on a week strike before this..Ooops! Now as, I wash them by hand, through the dishpan hands, I find laughter in it. You just have to. If you don't have your laughter, life is really going to be tough. I found that when Axton put a whole new roll of toilet paper in the toilet and then blamed it on Ike. Brotherly love!

The point of this nonsense rambling.... I'm not sure. I just know that somewhere in the middle of my fears, God isn't far behind. I wish that I didn't have the human sized fears of my life and that I could just always know that God is taking care of everything. But, I am human and I do have those awful thoughts. I do know that God understands. I am learning to lean more on him than ever. I know that just because I have no idea how the bills are going to get paid or when the next paycheck in our house is coming, but God does. I told Tim this the other night, We have never gone without and I don't think it's going to start today.

God, grant me the ability to trust you more. I stand in aw of you. You have always taken care of us and I thank you for that. God you see the weather report this week, I ask that you send some jobs Tim's way before it gets to bad. I know God that may sound selfish but you understand. Nothing is to great for you. God be with us this week. It's not looking promising for a few reasons. Lord you know. Thank you God for everything you are doing that we don't even see yet. Amen..

Until then....

Friday, January 11, 2008


Life is crazy. Not sure why, not sure when it will slow down. I feel like I am running on empty and need a nap most of the day. One thing is for sure God is faithful. I know that may sound funny coming from me, but I think time changes people. I have never more in my life, needed God more than in these times. And... He has shown up for me, more than I ever could have imagined. I think when I went back to the doctor for Axton sometime back and he told me he thought he needed meds and a different school, something in me changed. Not that I hadn't ever trusted God before, but in this time I truly felt my earth move and begin to crumble. Why this incident and not the tons of others in my 26 years, I haven't a clue, but.. So I put all my faith in God and pray each day, God I need you. Not just saying the words, but from my very being, God I need you. I gave him all I had that day. Not to say some days aren't the hardest to ace or extremely overwhelming, but something is different. I walk a little taller and trust a lot more. I think it's because I know, that no matter how far I have to walk to get to where I need to be, I am guided. This week, money was tight(nothing new in childcare and dump truck land), but I never feared. God has never let us go without or let us down. This week Axton had the best week at school. He never wanted to leave and walked right in without my guiding him. Tim got paid 2 days earlier and you know what.... Never thought anything different. I said, Praise you God! You are always on time and not a second late.

Isn't it funny how in the middle of life's storms, you forget that God never moved, you did? I know that I serve a God who will always provide. I may never be a millionaire, but I will always have more than enough to get through life. It's a great feeling!

God, thank you for never letting me go through my life alone. I am so thankful that you love me enough to provide my needs and then some. God I need you everyday. Please guide me through my journey always being my guide. Amen...

Until then,

Friday, January 4, 2008

It's a birthday

This week has been so busy. Now with what, I couldn't tell you. I feel like I am rushing to do everything, yet I am actually in a hurry for nothing. Axton turns 3 tomorrow. I am so sad, because my baby is growing up. Yet, I am excited about what the future will bring him. He has been waiting for his birthday, well since forever. He sings Happy Birthday to himself daily and loves the thought of blowing out the candles. It's a bittersweet day to watch him live his life to the max!

It has been a trying week. I just pray that God will be with us and grant us peace and wisdom. Things are just kind of out of sorts for us. Ike is acting strangely and I think that there must be a full moon. I know that God is bigger than our problems ever are. I just need to be reassured sometimes.

God be with us. Calm our thoughts and our hearts. You see the things we are facing and that we have no idea what to do. God send us direction. Teach us to hear you and not our own voices. Be with Ike. God you are there with him all the time, in the time we are apart from him, I pray that you protect him from things he can hear or see. God thank you for all you do. Amen...

Until then...

Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 is gone, here we come 2008

It's been awhile. Life has just been so busy these days. Axton's been sick, then I got sick, and we traveled over 1000 miles for the holidays. PS.. we never left Arkansas! I enjoy the holidays, but sometimes in the midst of the madness I miss home. I can't believe it's New Years Eve. Tim's saying is, "It's going to be great in 08". Not original I am sure, but I a praying for that. This year has been eventful. We have a new nephew Wyatt, Tim's grandpa Died, my sister-in-law is pregnant with our new niece Eden, and I am sure there is a bigger list. I wish I would have clocked how many miles we traveled this year. It's a huge amount. In all these things, I feel God always by us. He has never left us nor forsaken us. When my radiator went bad recently and it could have stranded us miles from home, God waited until I was in the comfort of MEMS to die on me, when my tires were balled, we were saved from what could have been a bad day. Never have I once believed more in God's faithfulness than now. It has been a year for job changes for Tim. He sold cars and now he is working for Mark's trucking company. It's not the cleanest job, but it's a job. Axton has had school problems, lots of doctor's visits, and who knows what else. In all of that, he is my pride and joy. He is a gift from God and I love the infectious laughter he brings to me. Ike has grown so much this past year. To think teenage years are just around the corner! I am ever changing. I see God working in our lives right now and am slow to say much. I just know that 2008 will be a new challenge and I am excited to see where God takes us.

God, grant me the ability to deal with change. Help me to seek you first and to always have my ears open to your word. God, I pray for Peace for Tim. You hear him calling for you and I pray you would answer him. Help him to find you in the middle of his storm. God, I need you. I know I sound like a broken record, but it's the truth. Thank you for a wonderful 2007! I look forward to your greatness in 2008! Amen..

Until then,