Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 is gone, here we come 2008

It's been awhile. Life has just been so busy these days. Axton's been sick, then I got sick, and we traveled over 1000 miles for the holidays. PS.. we never left Arkansas! I enjoy the holidays, but sometimes in the midst of the madness I miss home. I can't believe it's New Years Eve. Tim's saying is, "It's going to be great in 08". Not original I am sure, but I a praying for that. This year has been eventful. We have a new nephew Wyatt, Tim's grandpa Died, my sister-in-law is pregnant with our new niece Eden, and I am sure there is a bigger list. I wish I would have clocked how many miles we traveled this year. It's a huge amount. In all these things, I feel God always by us. He has never left us nor forsaken us. When my radiator went bad recently and it could have stranded us miles from home, God waited until I was in the comfort of MEMS to die on me, when my tires were balled, we were saved from what could have been a bad day. Never have I once believed more in God's faithfulness than now. It has been a year for job changes for Tim. He sold cars and now he is working for Mark's trucking company. It's not the cleanest job, but it's a job. Axton has had school problems, lots of doctor's visits, and who knows what else. In all of that, he is my pride and joy. He is a gift from God and I love the infectious laughter he brings to me. Ike has grown so much this past year. To think teenage years are just around the corner! I am ever changing. I see God working in our lives right now and am slow to say much. I just know that 2008 will be a new challenge and I am excited to see where God takes us.

God, grant me the ability to deal with change. Help me to seek you first and to always have my ears open to your word. God, I pray for Peace for Tim. You hear him calling for you and I pray you would answer him. Help him to find you in the middle of his storm. God, I need you. I know I sound like a broken record, but it's the truth. Thank you for a wonderful 2007! I look forward to your greatness in 2008! Amen..

Until then,

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Miss verses Arkansas

Our picture for our Christmas card says it all... Oh the lines are clearly drawn..

So I say, Bobby who??? Where is Houston??

Until then,

Monday, December 10, 2007

Monday, oh Monday

I drove up to school today and of course on a Monday you have to make yourself go anywhere.. I get out and try and get Axton, who by this point is freaking out. "This is not my cool" You know at that point I realized something, He listens to everything I say and forgets nothing. We haven't talked about the "new school" since last week. I honestly haven't said anything to "him" about it. He just overheard me talking to my mom and Tim. He wants to go to the new place so bad. I talked with them today and we are praying that God will open a space for him before May or June. That's when they think they may have space. The class will be smaller and he will have 3 teachers. 6 kids in the class are your average everyday Tom and Susie and the other 6 have a hard time in a "normal" setting. Maybe due to being born premature or what not. Axton will whiz by in the brain part of it, it's just the change I worry about. You know since listening to him and talking to the lady again today, I am no longer sad or angry. I know that God has a plan and in that includes what is best for my baby. I just think I am so wrapped up in loving him that I forget that it's ok, to sometimes just let go.

I am struggling with Christmas right now. Getting the perfect gift, making sure everyone on my list is bought for. It's overwhelming really. Ike comes on Christmas Eve and stays for the week. I try and not speak bad things into existence, but his mom is not the easiest person to get along with. I pray that this year goes smoothly and she doesn't try and pull the things she has in the past 4 1/2 years. I just want life to be less complicated and chaotic for us. In the long run, it's just about us being together as a family. We travel for the most part to get Ike, to see Tim's family, to take Ike back.. I swear my SUV is like a house. I have clothes, food, and I am sure other things I don't care to know. In all things, we are a family in that Jeep. Just spending all the time we can together before all the madness starts!

God right now you know my heart and my heart's cry. I just need guidance. I am at peace with your will right now for Axton. I just pray that you would open space for him in the school. I pray that you will help ease the transition and keep him until he can leave his school now. God, I need you. It's so easy to be angry with people and their inability to work with others and their unpleasantness. God, you are bigger than these people and I pray that you change the way we all work together. In all things God, I praise you for never leaving us. Thank you. Amen..

Until then..

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The weekend

Can't type a long time. I am borrowing computer space today. This week has been challenging and yet a learning experience. I have learned this week, that I have to just trust. I am not sure where life will take us, but I am sure of one thing, I won't figure it out alone. Axton is on the waiting list for a new school. I was upset at first, but I think I am coming into the idea. I know that just because I am sad about it, doesn't mean Axton is. I think he is ready for the change of pace and he's always up for a new challenge. I just pray that God watch over us as we are in this time of transition and unknown. I want his will and I think this is it. We will have to see how long it takes for him to get into the new school.

Today is our oldest birthday. He's 8! Life goes by so fast. I remember the little 3 year old jumping on the bed in his underwear the first time I met him. In that second I knew I'd love him forever. He is a gift and I would be lost without him. Happy birthday Isaac! You are the greatest son and big brother anyone could ask for.

God, in this week be with us. Guide us through the unknown. I have my moments of being angry and scared and everything else wrapped up into one. Please help me to remember I am not alone. God, I pray for our enemies. I know that you see what happens daily with us and what I feel as "attacks". Please Lord protect us from what we see and do not see. Amen...

Until then...

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Are you laughing God??

Do you ever think God watches over you and laughs out loud? Not in a bad way, but sometimes I am convinced when I am trying my hardest and about ready to throw in the towel, God is laughing at me. He's thinking, "When is she just going to get it and ask for help?" I have had one of the most trying days. My class didn't nap, one of my little boys dumped green paint down my paints, Axton threw a train at the teachers head, and my list goes on. At one point I just stood in the room of screaming toddlers and wondered "God where are you?" I couldn't find him from all the madness and noise. Not surprising though, he never left. I am sure he was chuckling over the green paint and the train incident.=) Axton is just a little crazy lately. He just seems to be unhappy with school and it is overtaking the rest of his life. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow. They think he will tell him why he doesn't sleep anymore and why he doesn't eat. Can't wait to see how this conversation goes down. Dr: Axton what seems to be the trouble? Axton: Well lets see, I dislike my teachers, I prefer to sleep my hours instead of the ones given to me, and by the way I think you should install TVs in your office!

I think when I found out I was pregnant with Axton, I some how thought as a parent you have all the answers, right away all the time. Oh the misconception on a young naive 23 year old. 3 years later, I still haven't a clue. I feel blank and lost. Do I make him go to school, how often does he get a spanking for the same thing and then you quit trying that, should he stop eating sugar, my list goes on. Where are the answers?? No book I have found as any answers. I guess it's trial and error and you pray hard you don't send them to a therapist couch?? Oh and I thought 9 hours of pushing and my epi stopping my breathing were hard work. Now he's turning 3 and more than ever, I need answers. So, right now I pray for God to guide me.

God, I need you. I just feel out of control right now. My son is acting up in school and I hear the whispers of others around me. God, I pray that you would help me to make wise decisions when it comes to my child. Help me God, help him. Whatever it may be. You promised you wouldn't give us more than we alone could bare and I feel I am almost there. Though I keep my humor, Lord I really am struggling. You know my heart and you know I would give my life for that little boy. He's my heartbeat. I just need some way to make him ok with his surroundings. God grant me the ability to discern the good and bad things for him. Amen..

PS God, you see they can't find a coach for U of A.. Haha serves them right, doesn't it? Bring Houston back!!
Until then...

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Motherhood and baseball bats

I have heard some really interesting things today. One parent said today that God doesn't give us human size problems, he gives us God sized problems, so that we lean on him and learn how great God is. I also heard that It's easy to sum of life in one phrase "It goes on". You know those simple words today made me really think. How often do I in my life, think about how giant things seem to be and how overwhelmed I am with life. Never thinking that it's God showing me how great he is! Life really does go on doesn't it. Nothing so far in my short 26 years and been as devastating as I thought it was going to be. I made it out alive and smarter than when I went in!

Axton is full of it lately. He is tired, acting out, and just over all a crab. I get to the point with him that I just have to stop trying to make him do what I want and just let him be. Right now he is being the boss of Barney the wonder dog.. Poor dog! Well, now he wants to play baseball. I say he's the next Babe Ruth or Sammie Sosa, without the steroids..LOL He loves baseball and practices daily. I can't believe it's already time for him to play t-ball. He has been waiting for this day since he could swing a bat. Of course he's been swinging even in the womb. He can smack a ball off a tee, but he wants loud cheers! He is driven for perfection. I admire his drive and hard work. Even at almost 3, he reminds me of a few people I know.. Papa! I am not sure that I am ready yet. He is growing up so very fast right before my eyes. Even his conversation is changing now. He talks to me about "big" things.. Now just so you know as I have typed this, he has broken my sunglasses and was sent to bed... Oh the joys of parenthood!

God, I am just tired. I can't say why, because I don't know. I need you. I need rest. Lord, I pray for Axton. I am not sure what is going on in that little head of his, but you do father. Lord grant him peace and rest. I am not sure what goes on with him each day, so God I ask for protection. In the middle of whatever frustrates him, God I pray you place your hands around him and calm his spirit. God, I am a mother because you chose me to be and I thank you for that great job. But, Lord I can't do it alone. I need you. Guide me I pray. Help me to even in my mistakes, be the mother you would have me to be. Amen..

Until then...

Monday, December 3, 2007

It's a Monday alright!

It's settle down time in the Tackett household. Some of us are not as tired as others, but oh well.. The little person will fall soon! I am exhausted, because Monday's always seem to be more rushed than any other day of my week. It's just getting back into our routine and doing the task that should have been done on the weekend! Like the 4 loads of laundry that we swore we did yesterday. I am sick of talk radio today and their talk of Houston Nutt! Thought I was off that kick didn't you? No such luck! It's Monday!

I spent some time with my girlfriends tonight. As much as I love being with other adults, I miss home. The craziness of our house is normal to me and sometimes the quite drive somewhere is deafening. I did learn something tonight. No matter how old I get or what I accomplish, in some people's eyes I will never be more than a 12 year old who just lets things roll off her back. Don't get me wrong, I am used to being the end of someones jokes every now and again, but... As other's my age grow up and get to sit at the adult table so to speak, I in turn want that as well. I think I get that because I just laugh at everything and try and be good natured. But, I do long to just be the average joe who blends in for a day. I guess I brought this upon myself, so now I will go on laughing it up. I know I have fans at home who still think I am cool! Sometimes like tonight, I want to crawl away slowly and just let it be someone else's turn. I am funny and I love to have a good time, but... If you need something to make you look cool, talk about something other than me. =)

God in times as tonight when I just feel "out of sorts", help me to remember you don't ever make me feel little so you can be big. In your eyes God, I am big! Help to not be angry because people can't read my mind. God, I pray that you help me to get a little tougher for myself. Not become someone who is mean, but someone who doesn't always let others walk all over me. Thank you for this Monday and all the days to come. I am so thankful God that you have already been where I will walk this week and you will guide my every step. Amen..

Until then...

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Cotton Bowl and Charlie Brown

Well it's on to the Cotton Bowl for Arkansas. As excited about this as we are in our house, my feelings on this should come as no surprise. It will be a sad day without my beloved Houtson. He has taken 5 of the people on the Arkansas coaching staff with him, so we are dwindling down to just a few coaches. I think we will still beat Mizzou, but.... we'd have a better chance with my man on the sidelines! I still refuse to watch the news when they discuss the search for a new coach.. I think I have change I am sure they will find a perfectly good coach, but he won't ever be Houston.

Today has been a lazy day. I think we have watched Charlie Browns Christmas no less than 15 times this weekend. Axton has memorized every line and repeats them at any given moment. He thinks Christmas is the greatest thing ever. He loves the decorations, the music, he loves it all! I enjoy watching him take every ounce of the excitement in. He reminds me so much of my mother with his passion for the holidays. I spend my day in aww of him. I get so frustrated at him sometimes. He has a sassy mouth and loves to pester you just because he can. I have to remember 2 things though... He is but a little boy and he is the child I was! Can't fault him for either of those things, can you? I am blessed because I have him each day. I cherish these moments in life. They can't be purchased on Ebay and can't be copied in a Hallmark card. They are my moments!

God as we settle down for what always promises to be a hectic Monday, I ask for one thing God. Help me to slow down tomorrow. I often forget God that life is short and the things that seem to set me off, really in all accounts aren't that bad. You have blessed me and my family. You provide even when it seems like it's not in "my" time. I ask for you to forgive me for not always being patient and waiting on you to show up and instead "I" show up. Thank you from the center of my being that you came and took the sin from my own life, so that we may live. Amen..

Until then..

Saturday, December 1, 2007

A day of shopping...

So tell me why Christmas shopping with your spouse makes shopping even worse?? Do they turn the heat to 110 on purpose? Why is every restroom in each store no where close to where you can find it? We went shopping today for the first time this season together.. We got nothing we went for and accomplished much of nothing. Axton doesn't want to shop and neither does Tim. Why can't they just stay home and be the Grinch?? We do this yearly. He hates this time of year! Why do I expect anything new this year? You think after 5 years, I'd learn to shop without him and just let him see what "Santa" brought the day of Christmas? I guess I punish myself for the fun of writing about it..haha I almost got in an argument with a guy 1 aisle over, because he was dogging Houston Nutt. I had to do some breathing tricks because I could feel my blood pressure rising and tears in my eyes. Do you think I am ever going to get over him leaving for Ole Miss? Why do I take it so personal? I love this time of year. I was singing loudly to all the Christmas tunes on the radio, much to the dismay of Tim. It's something about this time of year that makes sense. I am excited to see the looks of my children's faces as they open the presents that I looked hard for and thought so much over. Now I hate putting the Christmas decor up!! It's so time consuming and I end up breaking all the balls and lights on the tree... The the madness starts next year with buying the same ones I had and breaking them again.

I just have to remind myself that there will be Grinch's in the world not just surrounding the holiday season. They won't stop me from being as positive as I can be each day, even though my circumstances may not be as rosie as I may like. I am grateful for each day and even craziness!

Thank you God for the Grinch in my life. It's a running joke that he hates the holidays and wishes we could skip the next 2 months. I pray that you help us to learn from one another. That each year after all the craziness is done, he loves the holiday one meter more than the last, and I sing half a chorus less of Have yourself a merry little Christmas. I thank you for the ability to be able to give to other's. Maybe not as much as I want to, but you know my heart. In all things God, help me to remember, I am blessed! Amen

Until then....