Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Are you laughing God??

Do you ever think God watches over you and laughs out loud? Not in a bad way, but sometimes I am convinced when I am trying my hardest and about ready to throw in the towel, God is laughing at me. He's thinking, "When is she just going to get it and ask for help?" I have had one of the most trying days. My class didn't nap, one of my little boys dumped green paint down my paints, Axton threw a train at the teachers head, and my list goes on. At one point I just stood in the room of screaming toddlers and wondered "God where are you?" I couldn't find him from all the madness and noise. Not surprising though, he never left. I am sure he was chuckling over the green paint and the train incident.=) Axton is just a little crazy lately. He just seems to be unhappy with school and it is overtaking the rest of his life. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow. They think he will tell him why he doesn't sleep anymore and why he doesn't eat. Can't wait to see how this conversation goes down. Dr: Axton what seems to be the trouble? Axton: Well lets see, I dislike my teachers, I prefer to sleep my hours instead of the ones given to me, and by the way I think you should install TVs in your office!

I think when I found out I was pregnant with Axton, I some how thought as a parent you have all the answers, right away all the time. Oh the misconception on a young naive 23 year old. 3 years later, I still haven't a clue. I feel blank and lost. Do I make him go to school, how often does he get a spanking for the same thing and then you quit trying that, should he stop eating sugar, my list goes on. Where are the answers?? No book I have found as any answers. I guess it's trial and error and you pray hard you don't send them to a therapist couch?? Oh and I thought 9 hours of pushing and my epi stopping my breathing were hard work. Now he's turning 3 and more than ever, I need answers. So, right now I pray for God to guide me.

God, I need you. I just feel out of control right now. My son is acting up in school and I hear the whispers of others around me. God, I pray that you would help me to make wise decisions when it comes to my child. Help me God, help him. Whatever it may be. You promised you wouldn't give us more than we alone could bare and I feel I am almost there. Though I keep my humor, Lord I really am struggling. You know my heart and you know I would give my life for that little boy. He's my heartbeat. I just need some way to make him ok with his surroundings. God grant me the ability to discern the good and bad things for him. Amen..

PS God, you see they can't find a coach for U of A.. Haha serves them right, doesn't it? Bring Houston back!!
Until then...

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