Potty training

I am writing today with a mother's pride. As funny as this sounds, I am so excited to say my baby has poo pooed in the potty. I am sure he'll hate me for this later, but hey the joys in my life are of the small things. Isn't it funny how when you become a parent, your greatest accomplishments change. It goes from what type car you drive, how much money you make, to the excitement over going to the potty, starting school, etc. I just decided one day that this potty training thing couldn't be as hard as he made it. The potty is not the enemy I have said 10 times! There are no monsters in there and if there were, they don't want anything you have.. So, over the past 3 weeks we have had great days with this attempt and not so great days, but it's been a great time for us. Bonding over the potty has become a nightly thing. "Please go the potty" "As soon as you do it, we are going to Chuck E Cheese". The bribes go on and on. I could tell you about the night that chocolate cake was the bribe, but.. I'll let that be between us and the Kroger bakery.LOL We laugh in the bathroom, we run to the bathroom. It's the nightly exercise program here. As many times as I am in there with him, you'd think I'd mop the floor that I say looks disgusting every time I am in there.

In all of this potty mayhem, I have learned something so little that I should have already known. It's not in the biggest things that we should rejoice. Rejoice in life's smallest things. We forget that in those small moments, the big ones are born. I am sure God rejoiced with us when we were 2 and potty training. I am sure he rejoiced just as much when we graduated. That parent pride knows no prejudice in which things are great accomplishments. Axton pooping in the potty is GREAT! It also makes me realize in that, he is growing up to become an even bigger boy than he is now. I am not ready to let me little baby grow up, but I know that each lesson I teach him now and even he teaches me, is preparing him to become a man one day. I am confident most days, that I have some sort of clue what I am doing.

God, grant me the ability to rejoice in you. In the small things in our lives, you are there. Help me to not forget the things that made me who I am today. We fall down in some areas in our lives daily, but you always pick us back up again. Thank you for not giving up on us when we make mistakes. Even as potty training children, you rejoiced with us. Thank you Lord for carrying us in the times when we can not carry ourselves. Amen..

Until then...
Sharon

Rain

I keep singing rain rain go away.. I like the rain, but you see when your husband drives a dump truck for a living, the rain is not your friend. He hasn't worked this week, because it rains so much and it hasn't dried up enough for the trucks to run again. It is nice having him home to do some well needed cleaning and such, but I can tell he's getting antsy. Axton loves having him around. He is all about his Daddy. I have been pushed to the side and replaced with Mr. Mom.haha
I can feel the craziness at school from all the kids being sick of staying in doors. They have lots of entergy that needs to escape. Of course don't we all! I'd love to run around like a wild animal at some moments through the day, if they'd let me. Today we went and played in a room that has nothing in it and turned the music on full blast. The kids danced like no one was watching. It was great! I wish in life I could do that. Just be who I want to be without having to feel like someone is watching me. It's like a fear of being mocked, made fun of, or looked at like I have lost my mind. It's in what we say or what we even think. It's adult peer pressure. I thought it would go away after high school, but I found it got worse over the years. When you have children, it's in how to dress them, how you want them to act, etc. When you chose your mate, what would others think, how will your in-laws feel about you? That high school feeling never goes away of wanting to be in the in crowd. It just changes in topics. For me it's even talking about God and my beliefs openly. Not that I am ashamed, but not everyone feels as I do. I just always want to be careful, but I am learning, why should I? Not that I am going out tomorrow to buy my children the bear shirts I detest, because it doesn't matter what others think or go up to someone I know doesn't believe in God and go on a rant, but... It does mean that if I like something that someone in my crowd doesn't, it's ok to still like it. I love to fit in, but sometimes at the risk of my own happiness.

God, help me to learn that you made me different. You made me unique. Help me to live my life like no one is watching. If I want to dance in the rain, it's ok. I just want to live my life for you. You don't care if I wear yellow socks or never wear makeup. Help me to be ok in my own skin. You chose me and I thank you for each blimish and each scar I have. God, grant me the ability to be happy even in the rain.

God has a sense of humor

Do you ever think God has a sense of humor?? I really saw it today when at work we drew secret pals. I drew my name and looked at it and then did a double take.. It would be the one person in the world that I would have never wanted. It's the teacher that right now is causing me some unwanted stress and heartache. So I took my name and then my heart sank. I heard the voice, you know you've heard it, GIVE IT BACK AND RUN! They were kidding you, now the jokes over. Make them give you the real person you will be buying things for the next 2 months! But, in the same second it took me to draw it, I felt this funny peace come over me. It was like God had made his joke and now he wanted me to listen. This was for a reason. So, now I just stare at the name. I don't know what God's lesson for me is going to be, but my ears and heart are open. The human side of me says, "Now God are you sure? Like really sure"? I mean I laughed God, now you can give me the real person I have for the next 2 months. But to no avail God wasn't joking. This is a lesson in life that I am going to take it to the fullest.

How often do we think God is joking or not listening? We think he's busy or just plain ignoring us. Then when he drops something in out lap or it hits us like a ton of bricks, we have no idea it's the real thing. This person needs me in a way God sees that I don't yet. I pray that over the next 2 months, things are brought to into my life, that I would have never known before.

God I pray that you would give me a heart that seeks you. Help me to choose to be the bigger person even when I feel like being angry or wanting to run the other way. Help me Lord, to turn the other cheek just as you did. That when I feel like I can't take or handle anymore, that I remember that someone in this world or right next to me, has it far worse. God, I need you, but as much as I need you, someone else is calling out to you in despair. In all things, whatever they may be, help me to live my life for you. Amen.

Until then...
Sharon

Today was one for the record books. I have a lot going on at school and today it just seemed to boil over. I enjoy my job more than words can say. I have a passion and a heart for children and being a protector for them. I laugh and say I had a "real" job once, but gave it up when Axton was 14 months old and the sadness I felt when we left him at daycare finally got to me and I had to change my path. Being with him everyday for the past almost 2 years has been a joy that I never knew I'd ever know. It has cost us financially, but knowing my son is within arms reach is more important to us. I am an outgoing person by nature, but lack in the way I should be able to have confrontation when needed. I think my sister got that double for the both of us.LOL In school, the teachers don't understand the little man, I have grown to just call active and curious. There is a right and wrong way to deal with any child, but Axton is a little different. Space is something that he takes very serious and being in his without "permission" or gaining his trust first, is a bad thing for him. I don't know that they will ever understand him,but I wish they'd try. As a mom, my claws come out when I feel my baby is in trouble. As an adult I realize that you also have different perceptions for different situations. I am trying to remain level headed about all we are dealing with right now. Now ask my next week and I may have a whole other story that I will be telling. I don't think you ever realize how much your words and actions effect even the smallest person. I now know, since being in this situation with Axton and school, that I have to really think before I react. I should have known that way before now, huh? I just want to touch each child that I am with. That they never feel afraid or scared because of me. I want them to feel safe and loved just like my own would.

Lord, help me to protect my child in all areas. Help me to have discernment for things that I should. Help me to use loving words and kind hands with each child and person I some in contact with. God in the smallest things, help me to choose the level head my father raised us to have. Help me Lord, to have the heart of my mother and will of my father. God, I need you this week. Give me peace that only you can give and the patience that surpass all things. Amen.

Until then...
Sharon

Be still

We spent the majority of the day today on the road. Never have I wanted out of the car faster, but on weekend like this,it makes time together as a family of 4 one of the greatest times. W don't get to be together, all of us, often. Ike lives so far away, Tim works a lot of hours, and well Axton and I just hang out most of the time. The time our kids will remember the most is the 6 hour car ride we did every other weekend. I pray that the memories we make in those hours will last them a lifetime. If it's just talking about nonsense, singing very badly to the Veggie Tales, or sometimes saying nothing at all. It's just about being in the moment. They are growing up so quickly. I even look at Tim and in the almost 5 years of being together, he and I are aging. Not that we look haggard, but time changes you. I just don't want to miss a moment of our lives. Sometimes I spend the day chatting away and no time at all just listening to the noise, or taking in the silence. I want to be able to enjoy it all, but I enjoy yapping about nonsense more sometimes. This week, I am going to just listen more. When Axton tells me about the train or whatever he needs to say. When Tim tells me about the dump truck or someone who pulled out in front of him, again! Please people when you see a red Hearon trucking dump truck, don't pull out in front of him doing 20 mph. LOL I just want to hear those things without interrupting to hear my own voice.

Maybe we should all be quiet more and enjoy the silence or the "noise" we are to busy to hear any other day. I can tell you it will be a challenge for me, but a lesson not to late to learn. God said "Be still and know that I am God". I guess he really meant the Be still part. You can't always feel his presence in the hustle and bustle of life. You sometimes have to stop and be still to feel him.

Until then...
Sharon

Live

Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes

And have what you want, but want what you have
And don't spend your life looking back

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances and let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ballgames and go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children, dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night

Don't run from the truth 'cause you can't get away, no
Face it and you'll be okay


Oh, wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy, and pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
And make peace with God, and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end, there's nobody else

Until tomorrow...
Sharon

My little Axton

I sit here tonight researching Asperger's Syndrome. Who would have ever thought, I 'd even know that even existed. Of course it does, and it effects 2 in 10,000 children. 4 times more boys than girls. I guess January 5th,2005, Axton was the 2 in 10,000. If I look at it the way I want to some days, I'd see it as Why God, Why? But, today I choose to look at is as, Thank you God for making my little boy so special that you picked him out of the children in the world to be able to make a difference in life through teaching me. He is in the Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which just mean he is High Functioning. He doesn't lack anything developmentally, but in his social skills. It makes you look at the small things, such as having a normal conversation with your best friend, and not want to take it for granted anymore. Axton doesn't always have the ability to speak to someone like he wishes he could. So instead he takes his time learning all of his shapes, even ones you and I never think of, learning all about trains, dump trucks, and baseball. Did you know he knows most all of his letters and numbers by sight recognition? He is not even 3 yet. He is brilliant and I stare at him in amazement each day. How is someone so small, so smart?

I think I write all of this nonsense to make me aware that just because I don't understand the things he must face, they are real fears and issues he has. He doesn't mean to throw the tantrums he does sometimes when the noise level is high or someone has moved his things. He would love to be able to be invited to the kids parties at school instead of being looked over because parents look at him as "different". I see the looks of disgust when he has a momentof screaming.. He is not a bad child! I take deep offense to the stares in the store or even with family and friends. He may not behave the way someone may feel as though he should, but it's not about bad parenting or a bad child, it's about something far more. If someone has a question, I'd love them to ask even if I can't answer the question. I am still new to this and don't have all the answers.

God my prayer this week is, Help me to understand. Help me to stop and think of how Axton would feel instead of how I feel, because he won't do as I wish he would. Help me to be kind and use loving words. Please Lord let me remember that each day is to be cherished. You gave me this gift Lord and I stand in Awe in amazement. Help him to know that I am always here no matter what happens or where life takes him. Help him to live his life to the fullest and to reach all of his dreams times 10. Amen.

Until then....
Sharon